By Ahsan
It has been said that many people communicate however very few connect.
If you think about your best friend and how they talk to you, you might begin to get an instant feeling of happiness and calm. Your best friend is your best friend because of them winning a special place in your heart. Others may be good friends of yours, however, your best friend has a deep connection with you. The feeling of connection is what makes your relationship with your friend special and deep.
What if you could have this level of connection with your friends, friends, spouse, children, colleauges, managers, and clients? What if you could communicate and achieve the deep level of connection with them as you do with your best friend? How much would this skill improve your life?
If you are all in and want to learn this art and skill, let’s begin. The framework is based on simple and often overlooked common sense.
Firstly, you might like to begin with the mindset of winning people over and being a person who is a source of happiness and value to others. In other words, create the conditions for such a relationship. After all, we have a relationship with everyone we meet, even if it is a brief encounter with a barista who pours your coffee or a person down on his luck, that you decided to give a few dollars to. Make it count. Make it a connection that is felt by the other person. Try at least by being aware of the whole idea of not just communicating but connecting. The concept of communi-connection is a new word that you can add to your dictionary.
The idea of connection with a person is not something to be taken lightly and it might not be for you. To really connect when you communicate will take on the verbal aspect and non-verbal aspect of communication. Some of you may feel uncomfortable giving of yourself in this way. Interesting language I am using…I know. I say giving of yourself because all this, is a sort of devotion. If you are devoted to someone, you are quite invested in making sure that there is a connection, a true relationship. You will not take the art of communication lightly if you really care. Be devoted and think of your words as being an arrangement of not just words but a bouquet of flowers.
Now you might like to put on the charm when you talk to others as a spot of good measure. How charming are you? To be charming all you have to do is develop a habit of complimenting people when you interact with them. An encounter with your friend could be enhanced by telling them how much you appreciate the time they spent with you. A date with your spouse could begin by letting them know how good their outfit looks. Even a teaching opportunity to an employee or child could be started with a compliment of what they do well and a short and sweet suggestion to improve the thing that you want them to. There are other ways to be charming too, feel free to think of other ways.
Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, and especially on Mondays…make your connection deep.
Here, I am referring to the surface level chats we have with people on a Monday that starts with, “how was your weekend”? This is better than nothing but if that is all you end up doing with others when you meet them, you may miss the chance to connect. So, how do you go deeper? Let’s say your co-worker says they had a busy weekend and spent time volunteering at the food bank. If you say that’s cool and switch over to topics like the weather, you earn five points for at least caring to ask about their weekend. However, if you were to segue into a follow up question like, how did you get interested in doing that? You will get into a deeper level of knowing them. It is in knowing someone that you connect.
Your best friend knows you and that is why you feel connected to them. Be interested in others with no other motive than to pass through this life with the mindset of being of value to others and asking a question or two about what they say to you. Don’t just communicate…lots of people do that. Be that uncommon person that not only communicates but connects, and sometimes deeply, with devotion, as deep as the Pacific Ocean.