By Ahsan
There are days when everything is going great, and you feel wonderful. What is the key reason behind such amazing days?
It's easy to see why some days are challenging or even miserable, but what makes those awesome days happen when they do?
Most people would point out that when everything is good, I am good. That's a fair assessment. It certainly helps when you get an A on your assignment, get a bonus at work or see your child's face light up when you give them a present.
But then there are times when you get a B, don't get recognized for your efforts, or your spoiled kid says thanks and tosses the new toy onto a pile of other toys. I bet you don't always feel negative when that happens, do you? I bet, I bet!
Something is going on here. However, external happenings are not the source of our feelings.
If things that happen to us are not the root cause of feeling wonderful, then what is?
What about this? When I am good, everything is good.
In other words, your mental frame of mind has something to do with how you feel. That is where people often attribute having a positive attitude to more happiness and success.
Would you argue that having a positive attitude is not the most critical determinant of having wonderful days, even when things are not going to your liking?
It would be an interesting debate if you posed the question to some friends. So may I suggest you do it at your next get-together with friends.
However, I would like to challenge this very acceptable notion. I want to argue that having a positive attitude is helpful as a technique but not the root cause for having wonderful days, happiness in general or a successful life.
The actual generator of those awesome days is not a positive attitude but instead positive thinking.
Even if you say to yourself, “silver-lining” things like getting a B is good feedback, I will study better next time, or getting a bonus is not that important, or maybe my kid is just too tired to show how grateful he is, these so-called positive attitudes are actually your thinking about the situation.
You feel your thinking. What you feel comes from your thinking. You think all day. Everyone thinks. It's the thinking that makes you feel good or bad. Get aware of this phenomenon. Accept this as an indisputable truth, a law like the law of gravity. It only works one way. What you think, you feel.
If you are not feeling optimal, consider that as biofeedback and examine what you are thinking at that moment. Try to catch yourself in the moment. Have that lightbulb go on!
From this awareness (I think into my feelings), you can use "techniques" to shift your thinking.
Helpful techniques like developing a positive attitude by reading positive stories of people who face difficult situations, like Victor Frankl’s Man’s Search For Meaning. Or keeping a gratitude journal and writing all the little things you should be grateful for. Or trying something new for 30 days, like learning a new sport like Pickleball.
Negative thinking with a positive attitude won’t do it.
I rest my case. Positive thinking is more important than a positive mental attitude.
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