By Ahsan
Dear friend,
We all have things that we can be fearful of. For some, it’s the fear of being judged. For others, it’s the fear of going to a new place. For others, its fear of germs.
These fears (read anxieties) start to limit our lives. The person who fears getting stung by a bee rarely goes outdoors in the spring or summer time.
Their life is not one of being fully alive. They live in a state of fear and even dread.
That which you fear however, may really not be that bad.
Let’s say you fear being judged and therefore you avoid job promotions that involve managing others and having to speak in front of others. All you have done is stayed in your comfort zone and put a lid on your income. You feel safe and due to your thinking, you reinforce your fear.
The same would stand for the person who never accepts invitations to go to meet friends across town because going out to new places makes them feel anxious. By acting this way, they too reinforce their fear.
The hyper-sensitive germ avoider closes themselves off to many things simply because they could get sick if they touch something. They only feel better when they wash their hands frequently from the time they wake up to the time they go to sleep. All this hand washing is reinforcement of the anxiety and makes the “monster” bigger.
In order to get over your fear, you need to face it. Therapists call this exposure therapy and there are two versions: flooding and step by step.
Flooding might look like this:
Let’s say you were scared of getting stung by a bee and you wanted to get over this fear. You might go over to a honey farm and walk through a buzzing swarm of bees to really see if you could do what you fear.
Step by step might look like this: The less dramatic version and likely more acceptable version would be to go out in your garden or for a walk and notice that you might see a bee and not get stung. Each time you go for a walk your level of confidence should increase as you see that it is not likely that you get stung.
However, let’s say that one day you get stung by a bee, just like I did, on the tip of my nose, you might realize it was not as bad as you think.
My story goes like this, my childhood friend had a rolled-up carpet in his balcony that became the home of a bee hive. Going into the balcony became treacherous for my friends’ mother. It was up to my friend and I to rid the balcony of the unwanted guests. Long story short, I got stung. It hurt. I cried. I survived.
I always feared bees but after being stung I realized it wasn’t so bad. The sting was not as bad as the fear of getting stung!
Likewise, if you gave a speech, or go to meet friends in a new corner of the world or touch a few door knobs, you too might realize that what you fear is not that big a deal. All you need to do is:
Face your fears.
Do what you fear.
See how you feel.
Repeat the actions of exposure whenever you can.
See how you feel after the multiple exposures.
And be free!